so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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