she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
