Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
