Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
either way he was missing a nipple.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
