considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
