i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
