C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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