just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
