My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
