I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
