Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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