peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
