i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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