I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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