when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
