The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
