I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
