is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
time to smoke my breakfast
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
