It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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