If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
