Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
