Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
