My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
