we have officially lost it.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
