i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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