Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
