Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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