Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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