I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
