your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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