When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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