Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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