i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
