I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
