I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
where are my eyebrows?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
