We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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