so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
