Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
