did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
