I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
