nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
