direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You're like the curious george of whores
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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