Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
