guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
