ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
