So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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