Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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