Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How external is "for external use only"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
