Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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