my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
tell me about the eggs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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