I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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