ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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